Let me preface this letter by saying I wrote this upstairs in bed crying after I threw a hissy fit. I love my husband and he does a great job. Some days though, he could be Daddy Perfect and it still wouldn’t be enough. Here is me being vulnerable. It won’t happen often. Enjoy.
Dear husband,
Im writing you this message so I don’t have to yell at you or cause an argument and be that “ball breaker wife”. Days like these are when I edge extremely near my breaking point. It may have been a good day and only bad for 5 minutes, but those 5 minutes make my mind race through a months worth of things that have annoyed me. Things that I have asked you to do or mentioned and they didn’t get done. You complain that I ask you to do things but why do I have to ask you? Why cant you take initiative? Do you presume my job is that easy? If it were, I wouldn’t NEED help! If it was easy, there wouldn’t be the occupation of “nanny” or “cleaner” or “personal chef” nor would there be laundries and childcare, etc.
The sound of one baby crying is like nails on a chalkboard right? So how do you think I feel when they are both going off at the same time like an annoying smoke alarm you can’t stop? Terrorists have got it all wrong, they should be using crying babies on POW’s.
Im asking you nicely. I need your help. Don’t stroll in and slowly take your shoes off, then slowly go and change, then slowly play with one child and then the other while opening the mail and then proceeding to leaving its’ contents on the kitchen counter for the next month until I find a spot for it. If you hadn’t noticed, in that time I have hung washing, put away the groceries you brought home, washed some MORE dishes, sorted out two screaming turd-children all whilst starting on dinner!!
Why is it that when I get a spare minute, I’ll pack something or change some sheets but you get to go sit on the couch after a long day of sitting at a desk. I hate that damn couch. I wish I could wire it to zap your ass and fling you into the air somehow. (I must remember to look into that.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so many women do it all. Bulls**t!! Husbands just don’t have a clue and sure as hell arent gonna talk about it amongst each other are they? No-one tells YOU that their wife was crying in her room last night, for 10minutes, looking disheveled when they got home from work because she’d had a tough day.
Today was another one of those days I didn’t even brush my teeth. Yup so hot, right? As much as it is a distant memory for me, I’m sure it is for you too, that confident and sexy person you met all those years ago. I wonder if you still find me attractive because I sure as hell don’t right now. I miss having time to put on makeup and straighten my hair but now my priority is having OUR kids dressed in the coolest outfits and making sure OUR kids are fed!
Ok rant over. I hope you know I WANT to be at home for our kids because I love them but don’t think for a second that work isn’t a million times easier than being a stay at home mum.
I love you. Now come upstairs and make me feel better. – Zoe xoxo
\Mother. Wife. Teacher. Funny. Honest. Energetic. Loyal. Creative. Prankster. Junk food addict. Homie. Subtle as a brick in the face. Wanderlust.
It’s funny, I had the exact same argument with my wife last night! It proves lots of husbands – not just me – have no idea! Lol
Your post has holes in it though, apparently husbands are supposed to know what to do, I.e. “I shouldn’t have to ask you” and we should take initiative, but then you say “bullshit, husbands have no idea”. This is true, we have no idea what you need from us or when you need more help unless you tell us. All you have to say is, “can you please help?” Rather than “nice of you to help” sarcastically, that’s counter-productive! And yes, we have no idea how hard it is, but I know what you mother’s do for our kids is amazing! As I keep trying to explain to my wife, just because I say, “I had a hard day at work”, I’m not saying, “you have it easy looking after our girls”, which is what she hears!
My issue is, just bloody ask for help! If we keep having the same argument every week, you should know that it’s just easier to ask – politely – for more help! Writing a rant-filled article might help you get it off YOUR chest, but I’m stewing on every word you said that made me feel worthless because I didn’t take the initiative to ask you what needs to he done and rather enjoy a little precious playtime with my daughters after being locked away in a corporate office all day (not by choice either, but by the necessity to provide for my family)!
So again – if you need more help – please, just ask! 🙂
And btw, we actually do still find our wives sexy, well I find my wife sexy, but in this ‘vulnerable’ mindset, you’d never believe us…the only difference is my wife would never say that last line you wrote…so not only do I get accused of being lazy, I get no opportunity to make her feel better either, that’s what you call a lose-lose!
Thanks for sharing Ilias. You make some great points. This wasn’t a formal piece though. It was literally a message i sent to my husband written in frustration. So yes it doesn’t all make sense. I just don’t want to fall into the trap of mothering him. You’re right though about the corporate world, i get that too and every day isn’t the same. Some day he’s greeted with dinner in the oven and a wife that has brushed her hair and teeth and some days I’m tired.
Good luck with the wifey. Soon we’ll be old and miss these days. Thanks for reading too. I’m chuffed my hubby isnt the only male Reader. 😃
Hehe, I know it wasn’t a formal piece and sorry for using it as a medium to release my frustration too, it just sounded so similar to my night before 🙂
My wife actually sent me this article after we had that argument, I guess as her way of crying for help, which is great because I heard the cry! And it helped me get a few things off my chest too! 😉
Here’s to hoping we laugh about this soon, jury’s out on whether I’ll miss it or not though! Haha
Thanks for the reply! 🙂
Well written! I was just wondering what a father should do when he also needs help in his world? There are times when a father is also overwhelmed in his duties. I know it does not compare, but what does he do especially when both mummy and daddy are having a hard day same time?