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I chose to be a stay at home mum (SAHM) but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. This year was the first year I stayed home without being on maternity leave, but rather just because. Not because I could comfortably, or there was no one to look after my children, but because in a few years my son will be going to school and I don’t want to look back and say “they grow up so quickly…”, “I missed seeing them little…” or “those were the best years…”. I want to enjoy them while they’re little. WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING!!!! This is messed up!! I would rather go to work. Work is a holiday compared to being on the clock 24/7. I have found myself hanging for the weekend at times, because it means hubby will be home during the day and I can parent less! I mean, I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, I spent a year on maternity leave with my son (returned to work, got pregnant) and then a year off with my daughter (and my son who was 2), last year. This year he is three and he is testing my patience, and by testing I mean, I have often vacuumed or washed dishes to drown out the sound of his whiny voice, asking me for the 58th time if he can “watch cartoons”. “NO BUDDY! THE ANSWER IS NO!!!”. Now before you have a go at me about just letting him have cartoons and enjoy my sanity, I do let him have screen time, 30 mins a day, any more than that and he becomes possessed, like trying to take crack away from an addict. A small amount of screen time is ok, but he doesn’t cope well with any more than that. So if it works for you that’s great, I’m extremely jealous, but it doesn’t work for us. I also am of the opinion that the more I let him watch, the more it devalues screen time as a reward.

Working mum vs SAHM

Today I cracked. If you tell me that you’re a mother of a toddler and have never lost your sh*t, I will tell you to your face you are a liar. I sometimes yell so loud I’m worried the neighbours will think I’m a loony. Like how many matchbox cars can one step on without losing it? Or worse, when he annoys his sister who can only screech, 5 million times a day. I don’t know, maybe I’m a bad mum, but by high-pitched scream #235 for the day, “Ari can you please stop annoying your sister” (calm tone), clearly isn’t working and I need to step it up to “IF YOU DONT GO TO YOUR ROOM AND LEAVE HER ALONE IM GOING TO THROW AWAY ALL YOUR TOYS!!!”, which works and he goes, happily sits in there too, reading his books and then the little turd (his sister) goes in there and annoys him….. insert multiple eye rolls, they’re just as bad as each other. I need to invest in some noise cancelling headphones. Maybe then I can be all zen like those mum’s that practice cognitive thinking (asking the child questions). I can picture it now “Ari, what were you feeling when you decided to stand on your sister to reach something?” “Can you tell me what your thought process was when you threw a train at my head?” “Do you think you were feeling curious or adventurous when you dropped a roll of toilet paper in the toilet?” Insert Ari’s face looking at me like WTF and then saying “GHEEST” or “SNUTHSNUTH”, which are two words he has made up and says randomly. I have no idea what they mean, only that they could mean anything. He says “Gheest” sometimes when I ask him to apologise, he calls people “gheest’s” or “snuthsnuth’s”, I have no idea what these words symbolize but please tell me if they are some sort of cartoon character I don’t know about. So today, my husband took them out for the day so I can rest my emotions. He gave me a mental health day.

Heres a link (here) to a really great article that tells you strategies of how not to yell. I’ll be sure to refer to it when I have poo on my finger because my daughter is writhing to get away from me trying to wipe her severely smooshed poo from her butt. I’m sure the whispering technique will stop her….. #saidnomotherever

My point is, were damned if we do and damned if we don’t, but either way being a mum is hard. The ones that return to work often feel bad and the other ones that stay home feel bad too, it’s a bit of “the grass is always greener…”. My point is that I chose to stay home and people think I have “taken a year off”, or “living the life”…. no no no no no, this year I have worked harder than ever before. My job starts at 7am and I don’t get a coffee break, I change nappies, clothes and get snacks, 15 times in one morning and then when they nap, I pack some toys, throw on a load of washing, defrost some meat and get some phone calls in, to all the cool places i need to call. You know, like complaints I need to make or appointments I need to organise because “I have all day” (hubby’s words). Then at night, when they’re in bed, I either crash on the couch and watch trash TV while playing on social media or I write/work, sometimes until midnight. So if I ever email or message you at midnight please realise they are my “job” work hours.

I leave you with this. Thanks for reading, love you all. Zoe xoxo